we have been watching Unwell on netflix, a show about the wellness industry. Tonight we watched an episode on Tantra, and it opens with a woman who describes the energy of her community in mexico as being a kind of energy vortex, and her work as an energy healer/sex therapist someone. thao immediately asked me what i thought of this person and i said she seemed a little kooky.
The cameras follower her into a session with an obese man who was dealing with some kind of turmoil. she placed her hand above and on him body at different points and encouraged him to respond vocally, and by the end he was in tears. and i thought the woman is legit.
i think what she does and what religious people do are the same. but we give priests and pastors a great deal of respect, whereas her and asian gurus are met with skepticism. And for good reason. The spiritual product only works if you believe it will. And it only works for some.
If it works, it’s priceless. What wouldn’t you pay to feel free of your burdens? If it doesn’t, then it’s a complete waste of money. and what a weird pointless activity to engage in!
i was very energized after watching her. i am really into spirituality, and committed to finding a cure to my own trauma, to untie the knots that limit me and to live in a kind of all-accepting peace.
i am very far from this goal.
I have a lot of anger, and i find it expressing when i deal with my dog. i find it expressed when i deal with my wife at times. i have this overwhelming feeling at times that thinks, all of my choices are wrong, you fucking suck, most people fucking suck, except for a few people that i’ve elevated to some lofty angelic level.
now that thao is pregnant, i don’t want this anger to seep out. i read something recently that really resonated with me. someone on reddit wrote, growing up my dad was angry all the time and my brother and i were very afraid of him and we didn’t know why. now i’m grown up and i am angry all the time and i don’t know why.
i do not want to end up like that. my brother and i spoke about my father inherited this trauma from his parents, and how we have it now too. and i asked him what this trauma was, and he said it was rage. i don’t often think about how angry i am. i wonder i’m often angry. i actually don’t know. it feels like i am but i don’t have empirical data.
so. i downloaded this habit app and i put a check-in to see if i got angry at kalbi today and expressed it. i call it “be cool w/kalbi.” i’m hoping this is an easy way to see if i’ve been having a good or bad day w/the anger.
